Most Epic Hetalia International Food Fight Ever!
by Dismal-Spectre
Summary: A crack fic based on a chat room RPG session between my sister and me. If you like randomness, stupidity, humor, food fights, and beer you've come to the right place! Prussia and Germany find out that getting free beer is not always worth it. XDDD


THE MOST EPIC HETALIA INTERNATIONAL FOOD FIGHT EVER!

So yeah. My sis and I got too much time on our hands and we continued our chat with our fave characters from Hetalia. In this episode, America challenges siblings to an epic food fight for the grand prize of free beer for a year! The rule is simple. You can only win if knock out both sibs in a team. It doesn't matter if you hit someone with food, as long as they are rendered unconscious.

dismal_spectre: me

egyptbandit: my sister

Teams:

Germany and Prussia

America and Canada

North and South Italy

Russia and Belarus

Sweden and Finland

Britain and Ireland

Norway and Iceland

Switzerland and Lichetenstein

dismal_spectre: Prus: America is trying to create a Trust contest in which brothers can compete in. The winner gets a year supply of beer!

egyptbandit: Ger: "Let's join!"

dismal_spectre: Prus: I knew you feel that way! So anyways, we're up against the Italian Bros, the North American Bros, hmm, who else?

egyptbandit: Ger: "What about sisters?"

dismal_spectre: Prus: I think so. I just texted America and he says he'll make it a sibs battle.

egyptbandit: Ger: "What about bro and sis combo?

dismal_spectre: Prus: America says that's it's okay too. Oh crap we're up against Switzerland and Lichetenstein aren't we?

egyptbandit: Ger: "Maybe Russia and Belarus, Netherlands and Belgium, maybe even someone from the Nordics. I dunno if Ukraine is willing to drink ever again though..."

dismal_spectre: Prus: More for us then! So according to the list of events, we are up against the Italian Bros in an EPIC FOOD FIGHT!

egyptbandit: Ger: "Aww no... I hate tomato stains. They're hard to wash out!"

dismal_spectre: Prus: At least we have potatoes right?

egyptbandit: Ger: "True, but they don't stain like tomatoes. It's easy to tell if we get our butts whooped."

dismal_spectre: Prus: Whaddya mean? Our potatoes will leave a mark too...with bruises and concussions!

egyptbandit: Ger: *looks nervous* "Hey, go easy on Italy. He can't take that kind of pain too much."

dismal_spectre: Prus: I'll take him out fast and easy. =D

egyptbandit: Ger: *thinking to himself* "I hope Italy's been training, but knowing him..."

dismal_spectre: Prus: Yeah! Yeah! Man this is going to be...

dismal_spectre: Romano: EAT THIS POTATO BASTARDS!

dismal_spectre: Romano: (throws tomatoes near them)

egyptbandit: Ger: *easily ducks them* "..."

dismal_spectre: Prus: (almost gets a faceful out of surprise) That lowdown cheating pasta eating chortle!

egyptbandit: Ger: *throws a volley of potatoes back, counting about at least 200*

dismal_spectre: Italy: VEEEEEEEE! WE SURRENDER! WE SURRENDER!

dismal_spectre: Romano: (grabs him behind a bush) IDIOTA!

egyptbandit: Ger: "Darn. I was hoping he would give up early."

dismal_spectre: Prus: It usually is easy...(surprised when Romano threw out a length of pasta that snags his legs and causes him to trip) WTF!

dismal_spectre: Romano: Throw the tomatoes Veneziano!

egyptbandit: Ger: *cuts the pasta in half and pulls Prussia behind the bushes* "So much for keeping up with training."

dismal_spectre: Prus: Hey I got Prussian pickles. Let's wail on them!

egyptbandit: Ger: "Wait... I just realized. What are the rules to this game?"

dismal_spectre: Prus: Whoever gets knocked out by the food loses by default. Both have to be knocked out.

egyptbandit: Ger: "Uh oh... Does that mean...?"

egyptbandit: Russia: *pops out from behind Romano and Italy* "Surprise~!" *crushes them with Snow cones*

dismal_spectre: XDDD

dismal_spectre: Amer: Eat this Commie! (takes out a bazooka, fires hamburgers in Russia's direction)

egyptbandit: Rus: *ducks and rocket-launches more snow cones toward US*

dismal_spectre: Prus: Oy, I smell pancakes! (sneaks away from Germany)

egyptbandit: Hang on a sec. I'm trying to research food from another country... =P

egyptbandit: Ger: "Hey, Prussia! Don't get too far or we'll lose-!" *gets nailed by Liechtenstein's wine bottles*

dismal_spectre: Prus: WEST! (runs as fast as he can from Switzerland's cakes, grabs Germany)

egyptbandit: Ger: _

dismal_spectre: Prus: (slaps at Ger's face) Oy, are you stained. Did we lose already?

egyptbandit: Ger: *wakes up* "No, I'm not stained, but BOTH of us have to be knocked out. Lucky you didn't."

dismal_spectre: Norway: Get them with your 10 year old fermented shark Iceland!

dismal_spectre: Prus: Mein Gott!

egyptbandit: Ice: "Right!" *catapults the crap food*

egyptbandit: Ger: "RUN!"

dismal_spectre: Prus and germany: (run slo-mo like in movie, barely avoiding the stink bomb, shark knocks out the suddenly visible Canada who was using pancakes to lure Prus)

egyptbandit: Can: X_X "Huurrrk! Blargh!"

dismal_spectre: XDDD

dismal_spectre: America: CANADA! (gets a faceful of Switz's cakes, licks it) Mmmm Good!

egyptbandit: Hey, is the rule that both sibs have to be literally knocked unconscious by the food?

dismal_spectre: Yeah

egyptbandit: Ok

egyptbandit: Sweden: *appears in front of Russia; looks scary and intimidating; nails Russia with his saffron buns in the face!*

egyptbandit: Rus: _

dismal_spectre: Prus: Hey whose Swe's teammate?

egyptbandit: Fin: *pops up beside Swe; throws Karelian pasties at Belarus*

dismal_spectre: Belarus: (launches flaming vodka bottles at both Swe and Fin!)

dismal_spectre: Bottles explode knocking them unconscious

dismal_spectre: Prus: Crazy woman!

egyptbandit: Fin: (knocked out)

egyptbandit: Swe: *still half-conscious; grabs Fin and pulls him away; looks around from behind a corner to see Belarus* "...She's tough."

dismal_spectre: Switz: Got you now! (throws pastries at America)

dismal_spectre: America: Yum! (eats them all, gets sleepy from being full, and falls asleep)

egyptbandit: Ger: *facepalms* "Dumbness defeats the NA team... How pathetic."

dismal_spectre: Prus: =D

dismal_spectre: Belarus: (sees the German bros, lobs flaming vodka at them)

egyptbandit: Ger: "RUNNNN!"

dismal_spectre: Prus: MUTTI MUTTI! (both run just as the tree they hid behind explodes in a ball of flame)

egyptbandit: Swe: *fires meatballs from his air soft guns at Bel*

dismal_spectre: Bel: (swirls her knives in an elaborate dance, slicking the meatballs in half!)

egyptbandit: Britain: *sneaking up behind Ger with bottles of ale* "Ok, Ireland, you flank Prussia, understood?"

dismal_spectre: Ireland: (drunk off his ass) S-sure thing Sweet Cheeks!

egyptbandit: Britain: *looks doubtful*

dismal_spectre: Liche: Big brother look!

dismal_spectre: Switz: hurls his pastries at Britaina and Ireland

egyptbandit: Britain: "DUCK!" *ducks the pastries, but Ireland get nailed!*

dismal_spectre: Ireland: D-damn you Brit and your scones. (passes out)

egyptbandit: Britain: *throws exploding scones back at Switz*

dismal_spectre: Switz: (grabs Liche and runs) WE FORFEIT! WE FORFEIT!

dismal_spectre: Lich: Brother?

dismal_spectre: Switz: It's too dangerous!

dismal_spectre: Switz: Besides we're neutral remember?

dismal_spectre: Lich: Kay.

egyptbandit: Brit: *sweatdrops* "Well, that was easy..." *gets knocked out from behind by Ger's potatoes*

egyptbandit: Ger: "Shouldn't have spoken too loud."

dismal_spectre: Prus: Oy West!

egyptbandit: Brit: _

egyptbandit: Ger: "?"

dismal_spectre: Bel: (pours vodka on German bros, holds match high)

egyptbandit: Ger: "...! Mercy!" Dx

dismal_spectre: Prus: I have kids!

egyptbandit: Swe: *throws saffron buns at Bel from the side*

dismal_spectre: Bel: (gets knocked out from bun to the back of head, match drops on puddle of vodka, fire chases after german bros)

egyptbandit: Ger: "HOW MUCH BAD LUCK CAN WE GET?" *yells as both he and Prus run like the dickens*

dismal_spectre: Prus: DAS ALLES IST DEUTSCHLAND!

egyptbandit: *both jump into the Thames*

dismal_spectre: Prus: Am I dead?

egyptbandit: Swe: *walks up to the side of the river with Finland; slowly points at them* "Out of bounds. We win."

dismal_spectre: Prus: But your guy's unconscious! And since when was their a boundary?

egyptbandit: Finland: "I'm already awake. Plus, you didn't look at America's rules. We can use the river or any body of water to escape, and we can't fly into the sky. That would be cheating."

dismal_spectre: Prus: Aw man! After the hell we went through, we lost?

egyptbandit: Ger: *pat's his head* "It's ok, Prussia. We got 2nd place at least."

dismal_spectre: Prus: What do we get then? I hope it isn't dumb.

egyptbandit: Ger: *swims out of the river; takes wet paper from pocket and reads* "Says here we get to have... coupons to Victoria's Secret."

dismal_spectre: Prus: SWEET! Now Hungary can go shopping...and I can watch her change! =D

egyptbandit: Hun: "Prussia..." *warningly*

dismal_spectre: Prus: Wha? How awesome of a consolation prize is that?

dismal_spectre: France: Ohohohoho

egyptbandit: Swe: "..." *looks at his prize ticket of a year's worth of beer and then back to Ger Victoria's Secret coupon; points at it* "Trade?"

egyptbandit: Ger: "? What use would you have for it?"

egyptbandit: Swe: "Gift."

egyptbandit: Ger: "?"

dismal_spectre: Prus: For himself.

egyptbandit: xDDDDDDDDDDDD

dismal_spectre: Prus: Bombshell Sweden

egyptbandit: Swe: "Please?" *holds out his prize ticket*

egyptbandit: Ger: *looks torn between the two prizes* "...Darn it! Either way, I'll regret something!"

dismal_spectre: Prus: Trust me the Victoria's Secret coupon is wasted on you. You hate all things that are nude to you.

egyptbandit: Ger: "Well, if it's girl's lingerie..." *looks guilty and blushing* "But Taiwan probably won't accept it, no thanks to CHINA." *shoots a mean look at China*

dismal_spectre: China: Curse your Western ways!

egyptbandit: Ger: "Fine then." *trades coupon for beer ticket*

egyptbandit: Swe: "Thanks." *calmly goes to Finland; hands him the coupon* "For you."

dismal_spectre: Fin: (blushes) Sweden! DX

dismal_spectre: Denmark: Dang it, Norge, Swe! Couldn't either of you teamed up with me? I didn't even got to play!

egyptbandit: Ice: "There's always next time... Darn. We would've won, if that shark wouldn't have smelt so bad and knocked us out."

dismal_spectre: Nor: I can't believe we got nailed by our own weapon.

egyptbandit: xDDDD

egyptbandit: Ger: "Well, at least I got a lot of beer now. Hopefully it's good beer."

dismal_spectre: Prus: It just says beer. It could be anything we pick. Come on, West, let's get ourselves some!

egyptbandit: Ger: "Ok."

dismal_spectre: Amer: (still sleeping off full stomach)

egyptbandit: Can: *pokes him* "...Hey. Bro. Wake up." -_-;

dismal_spectre: Amer: (wakes) Dude you smell like shi...

egyptbandit: Can: "I know..." TT_TT

dismal_spectre: Nor: Gee thanks Icey. We smell like it too.

egyptbandit: Ice: "Hey it was your idea to use it."

dismal_spectre: Ireland: (wakes) Hey, Britain. When are we starting the contest?

egyptbandit: Britain: *shakes his head disdainfully*

egyptbandit: Lithuania: *wakes up Rus* "Are you ok, Mr. Russia?"

egyptbandit: Rus: "Yeah. Wow. Normally those buns wouldn't hurt so bad, but Sweden threw them with some kind of Gee-Force."

dismal_spectre: Amer: So that was just round 1 guys. There's more prizes with the next games too!

egyptbandit: Brit: "Save that for next time, America. My head hurts."

dismal_spectre: Amer: 'kay. Wasn't this fun? (grins like an idiot)

egyptbandit: Brit: "Hmph. Easy for you to say. You just defeated yourself with your own stupidity."

dismal_spectre: Amer: Hey those pastries were good! (pouts)

egyptbandit: Brit: *rolls eyes*

egyptbandit: Ger: "Ok, everyone, time for bed."

dismal_spectre: Italy: ve... (weakly as he shivers with cold)

dismal_spectre: Romano: Chigi!

egyptbandit: Ger: "! Italy!" *runs over and helps him up*

dismal_spectre: Romano: Stop touching him potato bastard! Take care of your own brother!

egyptbandit: Ger: "He's ok. We just got wet, that's all." =\

dismal_spectre: Italy: At least the snowcones were coconut flavored! Ve!

egyptbandit: Brit: "Come on, you lot. We can clean ourselves up when we get inside."

egyptbandit: *everyone starts filing into the building*


End file.
